I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
