Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
