I just threw up on my dentist
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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