If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
