She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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