Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
