Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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