she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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