Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
