I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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