I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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