whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
