That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
