people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
