My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
