And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
