The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just want to make out with him forever
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
