i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
