she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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