I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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