I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
