I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My Higher Power is John Stamos
People in love make me want to vomit
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
