I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we made out on top of his cat.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
