tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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