We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
