First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
