I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
