i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
