two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
