Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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