i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
