he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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