Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
