there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
