how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
