I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
