he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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