He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize