I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i've created a new STD.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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