my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
