He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
