im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
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She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
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You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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