Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
