i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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