This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I love you.
Bad choice
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
