The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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