Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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