my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
