He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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