I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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