I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
