i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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