Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
