and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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