so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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