do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
