Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
