I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
