The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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