He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
