How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
