i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
