it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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