got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
