if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
